Pump it.

I must admit that the title of this post makes me think of that Black Eyed Peas song.

But, instead, it's about breastfeeding (or lack thereof). Warning, long long post ahead, written by a tired mom.

James won't nurse.

I've met with several lactation consultants, and he won't nurse. He got in the habit when I was pregnant of sucking on the back of his hand. Even our ultrasound at 20 weeks showed the little guy with his hands by his mouth. And in the 36-week ultrasound, his face was completely hidden by hands. The habit ruined his latch. He'll latch for a few seconds, get frustrated, and come off. Again. And again. And again. But a bottle of pumped milk? Fantastic Mom!

At first I was relieved to have a way to feed him. The first few days in the hospital were rough, hand expressing every.single.drop of colostrum into a thimble and feeding it to him with a spoon. Then trying to express as much milk/colostrum as possible until I was sore and frustrated and sleepless. Luckily, our hospital has donor milk, so I was able to feed him. But the anxiety leading up to our hospital release was great. I was being released from the hospital without a way to feed my baby besides formula? And, my milk hadn't yet come in.

Sigh.

Luckily, my milk came in 24 hours after we left the hospital. It wasn't enough though, and we had to supplement with some formula. Not too much, but some.

Once my milk came in, I started focusing on how I was feeding him. I remember crying to my husband that I didn't feel worse about not nursing. Oy, postpartum hormones.

But we had tried SO many things. Nipple shields. James peeled them off, so I taped them on, making me more sore. The nipple shields had tubing to a syringe of milk. I had to snake the tubing into the shield (while somehow maintaining suction) and then juggle a newborn baby, a syringe, a kinda suctioned covered breast and milk, and the loss of my modesty. Oh, and a baby that didn't want anything to do with the contraption but it occasionally worked, so I kept going anyway. Then after the baby would eat, I had to pump, at first to encourage milk to come in, and then after to catch anythign that happened to come out.

The nipple shield contraption was not maintainable. With him eating every 1-3 hours (between start of the last feeding and start of the next feeding) and the process taking 30-60 minutes, it just couldn't be maintained. So, we switched to finger feeding. We'd trained him to suck on a finger after a lot of work on day 1 and 2. So we took the tubing and syringe and had him suck on a finger with the tubing instead. But after a few days of that, we realized we might as well switch to a bottle. So we did.  The lactation consultants said it wouldn't harm his latch attempts to do bottle feeding, so we did.

But this has committed me to pumping. And being alone with him during the day is really difficult. I swear, he has a sixth sense and can start fussing as soon as I start pumping. He just KNOWS. I try to get 6-8 pumping sessions in a day. I have a hands-free bra so I can massage and pump both simultaneously. I need a window of 15 minutes for pumping, 5 minutes for set-up, and 5 minutes for take-down. I have a portable pump, which is nice too.

But, I can't comfort James that well with the pump on. And the pump dribbles stuff out when I bend over. And it constantly needs cleaning. And I still get stuff on me (it's not like the pump makes it a lot cleaner a process).

What's worst: I can't hold my baby while trying to pump to feed my baby.

And so, I dread pumping. I have to do it, but I dread it. I normally don't dread James crying, but if I'm pumping and he starts up, my heart SINKS. And then I have to stop pumping if I can't comfort him, but of course my milk doesn't stop coming in, so then I have milk all over (and attempts to soak it up via pads), and inevitably I can't shower right away, so I end up smelling like old milk.

It's frustrating. In a weird way, it makes me WANT to go back to work because most of my pumping sessions will be scheduled without interruption. Of course (enter the postpartum hormones) this makes me feel like a bad mother.

And, since pumping doesn't encourage milk production as much as nursing, I'm on a gabillion supplements from the lactation consultant, tea, and even lactation cookies (which do not help my pregnancy pounds come off, which leads to further emotions, sigh).

All this for this face:

For that face, I'd do anything. 

But I wish it wasn't this hard. There's a lot of other hard stuff about newborn-ness... Happily, James is an easygoing kiddo in all other aspects. Rare (knock on wood) are crying spells that last longer than a minute or so. I just wish that providing food for him wasn't quite so challenging or such a rollercoaster. 

Flower power bath

He LOVED it.

James

James was born late on April 28th. Absolutely perfect in every way. 9 pounds, 8 ounces, 21.5" long.

Needless to say, we're over the moon.

No Baby Yet.

Our baby was due on the 18th, but he's still hanging out in there. I guess I can't blame him, his own personal jacuzzi all to himself, nice and warm.

That said, I'm huge, tired, and incredibly uncomfortable. I'm also really resistant to inducing (unless we reach a certain point where it's the inevitable option).

So, here's hoping that at some point very very very VERY soon, my body will kick into gear and we'll get to meet our little guy.

Glamorous Pregnancy

We're nearing the final days of this pregnancy. I didn't expect glamour, but I didn't expect things so far from it either.

Case in point:

Today I was fighting back heartburn acid. I bent over to get tums (they're ever-present in my life) out of my purse, and I inadvertently burped, effectively snorting acid into my nose, which set off my eyes watering and nose running.

VERY glamorous, indeed.

Cantaloupes

Bob to Bailey: Want to go on a walk this morning?

Bailey: (wag wag oh so happy)

Bob: We could even take Mom!

Me: Mom could come with you for a little while until her feet and ankles swell up to the size of cantaloupes. 

Bob: But they're such pretty, delicate cantaloupes...!

Pregnancy is glamorous.

Distracting Baby.

Bob: I got us free opera tickets for tomorrow from a coworker.

Me: Oh that's great! I didn't feel like spending that money.

Bob: Well, I would have spent that money and gone with you had I remembered it and not been distracted.

Me: You were distracted? By what?

Bob: By you.

Me: By ME???

Bob: Yes, you and that bump. VERY distracting. Made me forget about the opera. I think it's part of your overall plan to make me not spend money. Distract Bob with the baby bump!!

Final winter root vegetable harvest

The haul: 11 pounds of carrots and parsnips. The carrots are phenomenal raw-- the winter cold has made them retain sugars and they are AMAZING. The parsnips are great in stews and soups!

Yup, there's a baby in there

No amount of baggy clothing hides this now.

And supposedly black is slimming...

Kitchen Redo!

Next to our fridge, there's this awkward space. It's about 3' deep and 2' wide (so very deep and narrow).

The previous owners stuck this rack in there:

A resounding GROAN, especially considering that the rack had many problems:

• It was not stable-- it has about a 2" wobble side to side.
• It was DEEP. You could only see about the first 6" of things you put on it, and then everything the rest of the 2.5' was lost to darkness and clutter.
• It blocked the light. There's a light above the fridge that illuminates the entire alcove, but because of this tall rack that filled the entire nook next to the fridge, no light got down to the shelves. 

So, needless to say, the rack was useless. We used it for two things: A dog food bin that we slid in and out under the rack, and a microwave on the third shelf. The other shelves had things on them, but neither Bob nor I could give you an inventory. It was a black hole of clutter. We'd tried to organize it, but with the problems listed above, nothing worked.

So, I took the rack out. 

Then this happened:

And then this.....(!!!!)

Yes, the shelves, instead of being 3' deep, are only 15" deep. Yes, we lose the other 21 inches, but not really. Having shelves THAT DEEP isn't practical. So really, we're instead gaining 7 feet of storage that's 15" deep. We're not losing anything.

Plus, there's a HUGE area above the fridge. It's all a shelf! Previously, we hadn't been able to use much of it because things would get lost back there. Now? We can use ALL of it by just standing on a stepstool. So, all of our lesser-used appliances and such  (waffle makers, dehydrator, egg cartons, etc) are all up there and organized.

The bins are great too-- they'll be used for bulk food and dog food. 

And so, I got to fill this sucker up this weekend: 

ALL (not just some) of our canned goods fit here! The top shelf is full of things we need, but not regularly (such as coconut oil and rye flour).  We'll post an inventory on a piece of paper up there so we can easily see what's there. All of our jams, salsa, fruit, and marinara fits easily on these shelves. It also allows us to see what we have left and what we use regularly. 

Previously, all this was in our other pantry and on top of it (eyesore). Now, that pantry has nothing on top of it, AND it's half empty. This allowed us to really organize the pantry and even put some of our commonly-used appliances in there (thus clearing up cabinet/counter space). More on that in another post.

It was a productive weekend, but OH, what an improvement and good utilization of space!

Clearly, I nest through organizing? :)