Apologies to the three people who read this blog. I'm alive, promise. Days filled with this little guy... and a job and a host of other things.
Why the absence? Good question. We had a falling out with some family. It's still going on. So many things to be said on this. I've struggled with this, and in the process of that, I didn't post.
I think it boils down to "what is family?" and "how should family treat each other?" After every visit with someone you have ten nice things to think about and two awful ones, how much forgiveness do you give? If that family is generous, should that weigh in? If you have family who greatly disapproves of how you live, is the struggle to move past that worth maintaining the relationship?
Is family ALWAYS forgiven? What if you've been repeatedly hurt by things that have been said? What if you see them hurting other family?
This isn't the first time there have been issues and I've imposed a moratorium on contact. I've been cursed out, spit flying, as I've driven away. They have been sad parts during some of my happiest times in my life. They've told me awful things about people who have passed, tainting my memory of them but being unable to fix it. They've had such awful fights with me that I have dry heaved.
But when things are good, I enjoy them. They're family. I relish closeness.
But then they started in on one of my closest family members too (outside of James and my husband). How could I be ok with that? This behavior had to stop-- what if someday they treated James this way?
I'm family, not a verbal punching bag.
So, I put a moratorium on contact until I sort things out. I asked them to please tell me their side of the story. They never did. It's been 3.5 months and I've heard nothing from them.
It's left me feeling like I wasn't worth fighting for.
It's left me feeling a mixture of sad and mad. Sad that they're missing out. Mad that they don't seem to care.
All this is going on... and so it just seemed weird that I continue on here, telling stories and posting photos. That'd give them contact-- they'd know stories and they'd see photos, and that didn't seem fair.
So, I've been quiet on here. I'm sorry, because there's so much I want to post. How much I love my little family up here. How fantastic a dad my husband is. How much James amazes me. How much I love this little boy.
But, those stories will have to wait. Thanks for understanding as we grapple with things.