Bridal party switching out.

For the sake of saving a friendship, B and I discussed it and offered to a groomsman the option to not be in the bridal party.

The groomsman took the option.

After various comments and actions, B and I just... we just felt this person was really distracted and didn't want to support us through this wedding. I know he cares for us. And we didn't need him to slave. But he made various decisions that, in the end, resulted in us only seeing him for the wedding and the rehearsal.

Communication had hit a standstill, and it took us prompting him to get news to find out what he couldn't help with. I just couldn't shake this feeling that because we weren't pouring money into this wedding, it was somehow "lower class" and deserved less decency. Amongst other issues, we changed plans in March based upon his help, and to have that turned upside down made us feel pretty low.

From our perspectives, if you're in the bridal party, it's an honor. No, it's not an honor the bride and groom should abuse. But it means that out of all their friends, the bride and/or groom choose you to stand by their side. That's an honor, right? Obviously, by the decision, they respect you, and in return, you should respect them.You should respect that your friend(s) is taking a serious step. Some giving of yourself should take place, emotionally or physically, to your friend(s).

The thing is, if he was a regular guest, his behavior would be disappointing (of course we want him at the dress rehearsal and wedding, not doing other things that could have been avoided), but he wouldn't have been as depended on. We wouldn't have expected his support (emotional and/or physical) as much. And if he had just communicated things to us (rather than us feeling pushy and bothersome as we tried to obtain information), all would have been ok.

Sigh. I hope he comes to the wedding. He is a friend. And just because he disappointed us on this doesn't mean we shoudl hold a grudge. We're not. We're washing ourselves clean of the past, and we are moving on. But I just hope it's not at the expense of a friendship. We just wanted to surround ourselves with supporters in our bridal party, not people who had better things to do, and someone who didn't respect the marriage process. Maybe that sounds goofy, but it's how B and I both feel, so it is the way it is. Just hope we haven't lost a friend.