I am hen, hear me crow.

NO JOKE.

There is only one type of chicken in my coop that will lay dark brown eggs: the cuckoo maran. And I have only one maran.

We're not talking "close" in color here, people. The maran's eggs are dark chocolate-colored. The nearest brown is sandish-colored. So I'm not confusing chicken eggs.

Since I had been getting dark eggs, I realized my maran was laying. Hurray!

Then. At 6:30 this morning. In the near darkness, I hear a crow. Great, I thought, the red bird is crowing again. Or Cluck Norris. I had been horrified the other day to catch one of my (whom I thought was) tried-and-true-hen red birds crowing. I identified her with a piece of blue painter's tape.

Middle of darkness... I go out and let the hens out. Normally, feeding them shuts up the crower. Not this morning.

So I go out and clean the laundry room chicken pen, which of COURSE I left outside to gather rainwater and soak to get a good cleaning. In retrospect, yes, that was totally lazy. Whatever. So now, I have to clean out chicken muck in the near darkness.

I finally get the cage ready and go rooster hunting. Flashlight in hand, I'm in the pen. All of a sudden, THE MARAN CROWS. Yes, the same maran that has been laying dark brown eggs. THE ONLY BIRD who lays dark brown eggs.

Chicken grabbed. Put in laundry room. Crowing stops.

I immediately look up "Can hens crow?" on Google. Turns out? Yes. Dominant hens can possibly crow.

Insert expletives.

So how do I solve this problem? I now suspect, with the exception of Cluck Norris (whom I'm beginning to question now since he hasn't crowed in an awful long time), that I may have NO roosters; it's just my hens' dominance game.

Regardless, I have hens, and I don't want to get rid of them because THEY LAY EGGS. But now they make noise!

SIGH.